Treewolfwest Blog

You don’t have to go overboard by going to a fancy restaurant every other day or going on vacations that you cannot afford. Mind you those things help but, sometimes the little things that mean the most. Here are five things you can do that will improve your relationship and will allow you to have the best love making experience:

1. Listening

The lack of communication can be very frustrating to women but not listening can really get their dander up. Many men have been accused of concentrating more on whatever was on television than our wives and girlfriends. To a large degree it’s true. Most women like to talk about personal matters that have a direct bearing on their lives, their family or friends. What’s on TV at that time is irrelevant. Show that you appreciate her by listening. Don’t just wait for her to start talking. Initiate the conversation sometimes, and then listen carefully not only to what she says but her body language as well. This is not a one shot deal. Listening to her on a steady basis can only help better your relationship.

2. The Small Occasion Celebration

We’ve all seen the shows where the woman gets upset because the husband forgets their anniversary or birthday. That quite honestly should never happen. However for a lot of women, there are many smaller occasions that mean just as much; for instance the anniversary of your first date or the day both of you bought something together.

Being able to surprise your lady with little things that you know mean something to her (something she probably figured you took no notice of) can be a major relationship booster. If you have to “cheat” a little bit then get your own personal journal to keep track of these things.

3. Get to Know her People

Women value their relationships. While many men are of the take it or leave it mentality, it is very important to most women that you get to know her family and friends. These are people who make up a special part of her life and by taking the energy and effort to genuinely get to know them, you are showing her how much you love and care for her.

They maybe coming from a perspective that you are not crazy about but hang in there. Be open minded and respectful. The chances are that somewhere down the line you will want her to meet your people. Extend the same courtesies to her family and friends that you would expect from her if the situations were reversed.

It’s easy to get stuck in a routine and set in our ways. But it’s most important to continually show the lady of your life that you love her. Again it doesn’t take extravagance. Get to know her people, be mindful of the small big occasions and above all listen. Doing these three things is planting the seeds of long term healthy relationship.

4. Give Up Trying to Change the Other Person

The desire to fix or change the other person is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. Plus, it causes power struggles within relationships and issues of control. One person feels she cannot love the other unless the other changes. The other feels hurt, inadequate and as though something is wrong with him.

Having a healthy relationship means having the ability to love your partner as they are. Our partners have been put here to grow, develop and discover who they are. This can be a lengthy and challenging process. But the surprising thing about change is that the less we push and disapprove of others, the more easily and naturally they grow and change.

5. Develop Patience

Patience is an old-fashioned word in today’s world. However, there is no way to rush growth in relationships or in the development of joy. If you’re eager to get on the right track, there are two ways to get started: Learn how to be more giving and make an effort to be a better listener. But each one of these tasks takes time to master — and patience. That’s why it is necessary to realize that as we are, right now at this moment, we are lovable and acceptable. If you’re ready to increase the amount of joy you feel in your own relationship, take back the responsibility for finding joy in your life, you will be pleased at the results.

Men and women are so different when it comes to relationships. “I’ll never understand women!” How many times have we heard that from men! Many men are fed up with women that nag and complain or are moody. How would the man feel if they knew that they are the cause and the angry woman is the affect! “But I’ve done nothing wrong!” Shout the men, “she’s just crazy, I do love her can’t she see that!”

I want to talk to the women just for a moment.

How many times do you ask your man to do something and it doesn’t happen? Do feel that you just can’t trust him to do what you ask?

How many times do you wish he would do or say something that makes you feel good without being prompted from you? You know you’re not the most beautiful woman in the world but you just want to know you’re beautiful in his eyes.

How many times does your man let you down and you have to take control? Do you wish he would just be a man! Sometimes you just want to feel like a woman and be looked after… just sometimes!

How many times do you drop hints with a vain hope that your man will pick up on these signals. Can he not see what you are saying, it is so obvious.

How does all this make you feel? Yes I know, frustrating isn’t it?

Now I want to talk to the men.

Does your partner behave in a way you just don’t get?

Do you know there is something wrong but you don’t understand what it is?

Do you get so frustrated because she just does not make sense, you then argue and that just makes it worse.

I am going to tell you now that women do not think about relationships the way that you do! When you understand what is really happening within her, you will make your life easier and create a brilliant relationship, isn’t that what you want? After all, you do love her. Why doesn’t she get that?

She is after good emotions that you can help her create. When she is complaining, nagging, or going silent on you, she is giving you a message. You have done something that means to her that she cannot trust you. These little feelings build up in her and before you know it, she has found 20 small displays from you that equal you cannot be trusted and now she is angry.

You do one more thing wrong and your in trouble! To you these are trivial and mean nothing, to her it is now proof! Without trust, she cannot feel secure and it is security that she is after and fighting for. These displays that irritate you have good underlying intentions; she just wants the relationship to work.

Security, security, security! Women crave this from a man and this is your key to success. What she wants is to know that you will always be there no matter what! You have to prove it not just with words but also by actions, continuous actions. She wants to know you will be there for her even if she screams at you, becomes unreasonable, and does not make sense! Well to you anyway! She wants you to be a man because that will help her feel like a woman. When she was growing up, she had a vision of the perfect man, one that would sweep her off her feet and look after her until the day she dies. This is a secure feeling and she craves for it!

When you help her feel like a woman she will stop at nothing to make you feel like a man, this is fantastic for your relationship and is what you are both after.

Short of throwing yourself off the nearest bridge, you resort to hiding in your bed for days, comforted only by the fact that at least you have a year’s supply of Moonpies by your bedside and your answering machine is on the alert in the hopeful case that your once loved one might call and beg to have you back.

Only, that call never comes and that box of Moonpies? It’s a constant reminder that the emptier it gets, the more bloated you are. But, you don’t care. You wish the earth would open you up and swallow you whole. Sound familiar?

Cases like this happens everyday.

Falling in love has its risks and you’ve just experienced it first hand. You want your life back but don’t know the first thing about how to get out of that black cloud that hovers over you, or even finding the energy to do it.

What do you do?

Acknowledge the fact that you have to go through three different stages during a break-up. Once you realize this, you can chart your progress and see that it’s only a short trip to recovery.

STAGE ONE – The Hurting Stage

Symptoms: This is the hurting stage. It’s where you are now. It’s your heart’s way of telling you that you have just experienced the worse kind of hurt there is. You cry, you’re depressed and you have no idea how you are going to live without him/her. You leave messages on his answering machine and text him to the point where you are becoming psycho. You drive by his house in the wee early morning to see if his vehicle is still at his house or he is – gulp – off with another woman. You drive by where he works and contemplate going in and crying your eyeballs out to let him know this has hurt you beyond repair. You either eat tremendous amounts of comfort food or you don’t eat at all and your health suffers. You cry on your co-worker’s shoulders and hope they can help you get out of this mess. You are, essentially, gone and a hopeless mess.

How to cope: Now more than ever would be a good time to hang out with friends and watch a few comedies, even though you just aren’t up to it. Rekindle family relationships. Talk to older family members about how they met their husbands/wives and how they coped with troubled relationships. Gain insight from them. Try to remember things that brought you happiness. Was it a bike ride through the countryside? A trip to the beach even in the cold of winter just to watch the waves lap against the shore? How about that closet that is in desperate need of rearranging/cleaning/sorting? Now is the time to focus on you.

You have to acknowledge that this is the normal process of grieving a relationship that has died. Nothing can really help at this point because as with the death of a loved one, this is the same feeling. It’s a natural process. Give it time and remember that soon you will enter the second stage.

THE SECOND STAGE – The Getting Even Stage

Symptoms: Remarkably, when your heart begins to heal, your hurt turns to anger. What nerve he/she had to dump me! You vow you’re going to make his/her life a living hell as long as you are alive. You start dating. Only, these are rebounds. Rebound relationships most times happen in this second stage. Some last, but most do not for the simple reason that you will do anything in your power to inflict pain on the one who did it to you.

How to cope: Once you get to this stage, you’re halfway there. Even though anger is not a healthy feeling to have, it is a normal reaction after you’ve gotten over the feeling of hurt. However, instead of going postal and risk the chance you may do something you’ll regret later, take his/her picture and throw darts at it. Burn love letters. Finalize the break-up by getting rid of everything you have of his/hers. But keep in mind that years from now, you’ll wish you did have some kind of remembrance of the relationship because it’s all part of your life history. Whatever you do keep, look at it as a symbol of how well you did cope and can look at the relationship as a learning experience.

STAGE THREE – The Not Giving a Damn Stage

Symptoms: You wake up one morning and ask yourself what you saw in this person in the first place. Nothing he/she does now bothers you. In fact, you are happy he/she has left because you are ready now to form new relationships, new loves.

How to Cope: You are there. When you hit this last stage, you have finally come to the point where you can go on from here and form new relationships. Relationships that aren’t rebound. When you finally get to this last stage, you will become the person you once were – full of happiness, hope and a quest for life.

Once you realize the three stages of a break-up, it helps you to understand the process that is involved. Just as it took time to fall in love, you don’t just fall out of it overnight.

It helps to remember that there will always be a tomorrow and that there is always that second chance to find that special person who is meant to share his/her life with you. Life is full of second, third and even more chances. So, pick up your heart, go through the process to heal and chalk it all up to experience. You’ll be glad you did. In the words of an unknown author, “Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.”

No matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to bring your ex back. You want so badly for the both of you to be back together. You feel like nothing will ever be right and that makes you feel helpless and frantic. You think that by doing something desperate everything will work out the way you want it. This is usually never the case. So what can do you to bring your ex back then?

When you do something off the wall to win back your ex, it only makes it seem like you have gone completely insane. You don’t want to come off that way. You need to come off as someone who maintains control under any kind of pressure all the time. Think about the time when you first met. What were you like then?

For an example… are you the type to drink? Do you drink at all? Are you a social drinker or do you prefer to drink alone? If you are not accustomed to drinking or you drink lightly, you no doubt have a limited tolerance to alcohol. Supposing you drink more than your fair share one night at a party and your ex boyfriend is there as well. Do you think by overdrinking that this will bring your ex back? It’s more likely going to do one of two things, neither of them good. He could make him very angry perhaps driving him away for good or he may begin to laugh at you. This is the kind of laughing you would not want from him.

You have to understand that the only way to bring your ex back to you is to be yourself. Do not be someone you are not! Men will only like fake women for so long before they are tired of them. If you are the type of person who is a little shy, then it is okay to be a little shy. If you are an outgoing person, it is good to be outgoing.

Never try to be someone else. Men like it when women are upfront and honest with them. The best thing for women to do is show your ex that you still love him but it is best not to go overboard like calling all the time and professing your love.

Think about all those blond jokes and ditzy blond movies. Men and women alike love to laugh at them because they are overly silly and (in the movies) act like they are dumb. The women who portray these characters the movies are being something they are not. If you want to be something like this and think it will bring your ex back, you are only fooling yourself.

The overall thing to remember is when trying to bring you ex back to you, be yourself and stay at calm at all times.